I debated putting this on my personal blog. But, I realized something, and I thought it was something I would share here.
About a week and a half ago, I found that, despite my best efforts, and opposite of what I thought, I had not increased my supply quite enough for
Grayson to be nourished by breastfeeding alone. His weight had not gone up in over a week and was starting go down. I was devastated as I learned I would need to add in at least two 2 ounce bottles a day to our feeding schedule. After a good cry, I realized, in the grand scheme of things, two bottles a day is not that much. He will still get mostly
breast milk. When he is eating a lot of solids, I will probably be able to stop supplementing at all.
I am a co-owner of a group on
babycenter for plus size, breastfeeding moms. The original group owner, someone I greatly admire, had a wonderful idea to do a weekly topic. This week, she chose why we breastfeed, or desire to breastfeed. I thought about it. I thought about my friend, Terrie, who nursed her children and I remember (and she probably doesn't) us going to a baby shower. A mom there stated she doesn't nurse her children. Terrie said to me later "I can't imagine, after having nursed five children, not nursing my child." That always stuck with me. And now, I know what she meant. I can not imagine, if I were capable, choosing to not nurse my child.
So many women give up by now. I got to thinking about that. I always knew I would breastfeed. In our "culture" (
LDS) it is almost just assumed that a woman will nurse. I never thought I would do anything different. But, with my supply issues, I know that I am a rare person, who would continue this long, even with having to supplement. I listed a bunch of reasons, cheaper, health benefits for both mom and baby, to encourage others. But- this line that I typed without thinking, stuck with me.
I have to supplement, but this bond, the nourishment that only I can provide, those quiet feeding sessions alone in the dark with just the two of us, maybe this is why I keep going where others would have quit.
That is it. Right there. Nothing more and nothing less. If there was no difference between formula and
breast milk, no cost difference, etc...for the reasons in that last statement alone, I would still breastfeed.
I am so grateful that I am able to give my
lil man something. But I am more grateful for that bond. I love how he gets excited now when he knows he is about to nurse. Does he get excited for a bottle- yes. But it is different. The bottle is more his independence. He can basically hold it himself now. When he is about to nurse, his eyes light up, he looks up at me and smiles, even gives a little sigh. As he latches on, tugging at my breast, my shirt, or if we are in public, the cover, it is like he has a string attached to my heart that he is holding in his hand.
