Mother's Day

The last 4 or 5 years, I would look up a different Holiday to celebrate on Mother's Day. The thought of Mother's Day put me in tears. I remember 3 or 4 years ago was the last Mother's Day Sacrament meeting I attended. I dreaded the moment when they asked the moms to stand and then would add...all women over 18. If you didn't stand, everyone around you would urge you to. UGH! This particular Mother's Day, I had told Mike ahead of time I was not going to stand and do not try and urge me to. So I sat as the young women and young men prepared to hand out flowers. They then asked all the moms to stand. I remained seated. Then they said all expectant moms....stayed seated. And then, while meaning well, poorly worded.. "All the wanna-be-moms" and then, as he realized how that must sound "I mean....moms in training" TOO LATE! The tears were already pouring down my face. And then, a sweet, young woman, brought me a flower while I stayed sitting and said, "All those who are going to be great moms soon"...MORE TEARS. As I sat bawling, embarrassed, my wonderful husband tried to comfort me...which made me cry more. I vowed to myself I would never put myself through that again. That was the last Sacrament I attended on Mother's Day. I actually lucked out. The next year, we were doing IVF and my egg retrieval...on Mother's Day. The year after that, we had to go out of town for it and I can't remember last year...I think we were both sick actually.
This year, while I am not avoiding the day, it still feels weird to celebrate it as I don't feel that I am officially a mom since lil man is not here yet. However, I don't feel like I have to avoid everyone and everything.
Someone tried to tell me last year that "Mother's Day isn't my favorite Holiday so I know how you feel." This was someone who became a mom well before she had planned on it. I just looked at her and said, "Until you have wanted to be a mom so bad that you have spent hours in prayer, scripture study, personal reflection, tears, and more....desperately wanting what comes so easily to others, you will never know how I feel on Mother's Day. It is one thing for it to just not be your favorite Holiday....it is another for that Holiday to slap you in the face each year reminding you that the one thing you want more than life is not happening for you." I will never forget how Mother's Day made me feel.
So, as I try and change my view on Mother's Day, please remember that there are those out there who would give anything to feel like they deserve to celebrate this day. They do anything to avoid the reminder that they have not yet been blessed with a child of their own. ALSO- remember how special a gift it is to be a mother. Whether you planned on being one or not...your child is a gift. And they are blessed to have you as a mother.