Answers on Questions on OUR Sleeping Arrangements

OH BOY!!!- I knew the picture I posted may bring some questions about our sleeping arrangements. A good friend sent me an email, asking a few personal questions, and wanting a little clarification on a few things....so, I am going to get more personal than I ever wanted...and answer her questions.

1. Grayson was sleeping on a pillow, other pillows in the crib, and he had a blanket. He was also on his stomach. It is recommended that babies sleep on their backs and with none of this stuff in their cribs. So does Grayson always sleep like this and how does that work with co-sleeping when IN your bed? Do none of you use blankets? First off, sleeping on the back is recommended- but once a child is mobile and can lift their head up well, and roll over at will- that is basically the end of it, unless you are swaddling them and keeping their hands tied down. The pillows and blankets are basically recommended to be out of there for the same amount of time. By around 6 months most children have the instinct to lift and turn their head, etc to be able to breath better. Also, the white pillows are not normally in his crib like that. Even "sleep experts" (whatever that means when talking about infants) suggest giving a child a lovey, blanket etc to help them sleep without their parents any time after 4-6 months of age. We do not put the blanket up near his face. Also, with co-sleeping, we did not have him in our bed until he was older, so we do use blankets. I do, however, sleep very low down on the bed, and keep the blankets under my arms so that they do not come up over Grayson's head.
2. This may be a little personal, but with Grayson in your bed- how do you and Mike find "personal time" with each other? I am not going to get to detailed- but I will say his, you find ways. We may not set a record for how often we are able to have personal time, but we have enough. Also, during the day, sometimes Grayson naps in other places. This is not a huge issue for us. You adapt, and you get creative...that is all I am going to say.
3. Don't you worry that he will never be able to sleep on his own and that he will just be very dependant on you for life? Don't you worry about him learning to become independent and self-soothe? Quite the opposite. Grayson will grow up feeling loved and protected. He will not be left to question why we are not responding to his only form of communication-crying. He is already sleeping more and more on his own, and the same with daily activities. He is very independent and stubborn. He will be gently moved into his own bed and we have gotten much better sleep, he sleeps longer in between waking most nights, and there are no tears involved. As for self-soothing...I don't think my INFANT son needs to be able to self-soothe in a dark room, in a crib that probably feels like a cage, wondering where his mom is and why she has abandoned him. Again, I feel the Lord does not leave us without comfort and guidance and Him and the Spirit to turn to when we need it, so why are we so eager to tell his precious little ones, who are still so new to this earth that they need to handle these feelings/needs all on their own. Dr. William Sears said it best "Babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate."
4. I am not judging you, but I just feel the bed is the place for the husband and wife, not for the entire family. I read a bunch of articles and research that talked about all the benefits of co-sleeping. I will be honest- before I had Grayson, I swore my baby wouldn't sleep in my bed. I kind of worried about a few things- him staying i there and us never getting him into his own bed, space, and mine and Mike's relationship. Educating myself as to the way children and parental relationships are meant to work, looking at how I believe the Lord would have us parent, and a lot more changed my mind- except for the part on how it would effect mine and Mike's relationship. Guess what- Mike is the one who kind of started the co-sleeping though. And yes, there are times when it has been an issue- but only on nights when going and walking across the apartment to comfort Grayson would have been more of an issue. You know- those nights where he is up every hour or so due to teething or such. It would have been more stressful on our relationship if we were fighting over you needed to go get him each time. I really feel that the argument of the bed being just for the parents is really just a personal issue, and when it comes to total sleep deprivation, you may be willing to bend on that.

All in all, I am not saying everyone has to co-sleep. Again, I may not co-sleep with future children. I have seen where we took steps that led to Grayson not sleeping as well, also each child is different and while some are great sleepers, others are not. Each child will sleep where he or she is most comfortable and getting the best rest. Grayson was so sleep deprived that something HAD to change. This is what works. You may be surprised at how many of your friends co-sleep. Many fear being looked down upon, so they don't share openly. However, it is much more common than you may think.