Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

I shared this a few days ago on facebook and some friends have also posted it on their blogs, etc. As a new mother this put me in tears. As someone who tried so long to have a child, felt like I must not be worthy of this sacred duty, I know how both the mother and the one trying feel. I hope that every woman knows that in some way she helps to nurture and teach the children around her and that she is a mother. We, as women really do have a sacred calling and partnership with our Father in Heaven.

Grayson's blessing was on Sunday, July 4th, 2010

Yesterday was Grayson's blessing. We chose to do a blessing in the evening due to family schedules and we already had 2 other babies being blessed in Sacrament meeting that day.

For those who do not know, Mike was not active when we met and married. He has come very far but was very nervous about the blessing. However, he did great. The blessing was beautiful and the Spirit was so strong. It was nice to have an intimate blessing. We went to the church house and had it in the Relief Society Room since our apartment is too small to have fit everyone.

I am not a fan of the fancy blessing outfits that look like the baby is in a wedding or going to prom. However, we were able to find some white pants and then we also bought an outfit that had this shirt under some coveralls. Grayson looked so handsome in it. His hair was still CRAZY as we can not get it to go any other way.

These are the wonderful men (minus the Bishop) that were able to be a part of this blessing. I am so grateful for men like them that live their lives in a manner that makes them worthy to hold the Priesthood and bless the lives of their loved ones.

(I LOVE camera remotes!)

Here is a picture of the entire group that attended. We were happy so many were able to make it seeing as it was a Holiday weekend. We are especially grateful that Mike's Aunt, uncle, and cousin (and his girlfriend) were able to make it down from Lewiston. It was a very special occasion. Having his blessing on Independence Day reminded me how lucky I am to live in a country that allows us the freedoms we have. Especially the freedom to worship as we please so that we may have the Gospel in our lives. A country, established to bring forth the Gospel in these last days. I know the founding father's were led by the Spirit as they established this country and wrote the Constitution. I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July and that you were able to celebrate the freedoms we enjoy in this great country.

Update From the Homefront

I can hardly believe that Grayson will be 6 weeks old in just a few days! Time has really been flying by recently.

Here is what has been happening in our household.

Grayson gave us a good scare with weight gain when he only gained 2 oz in 12 days. We had to up our supplementing and I just recently bought a infant scale so we could figure out how much he was getting when he nursed. I have been taking More Milk Capsules and I think my body has finally caught up and is producing more milk. We are going to start backing off the supplementation. Grayson's weight gain has picked back up and in the last week he has gained 7 oz. YAY! He is now 9 lbs even! (Unofficially since is on our scale at home and he had just eaten.)

I have been loving being home with Grayson but am also finding it a little hard to not be working because Grayson loves to be held and will only be put down for 10-15 minutes at a time. He will not nap in his bassinet (except today I have gotten him down a few times for 30 minutes here or there) and he likes the floor until he gets bored (usually about 10 minutes). So, I decided a couple weeks ago to start using my ring sling. I LOVE IT! I have been wearing Grayson to church in it since we walk and it is WONDERFUL! I wear him around the house and yesterday we went to a gathering at a local park for a friend's child's birthday and wore him in it most of the time. I am glad I have started using it as it does use different muscles so then when I wear it on our trip in a few weeks it will not put me in pain. Mike is going to try the Moby Wrap as I will not let him use my ring sling because I have adjusted it to fit me. (I am going to order him one. HERE is where I order mine from.)

Mike has done a great job at maintaining his weight, even with not having been able to work out since Grayson was born. He is still a few pounds from his goal weight but he looks really good and has really made a lifestyle change this time.

My weight loss....UGH! I lost quite a bit after Grayson was born and was actually 20 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. But with my low supply and Grayson's slow weight gain we had to re-focus and I had to make sure I was getting plenty of calories and work-outs took a back seat to more frequent and longer feedings (even when Grayson may not seem hungry). I have gained back 10 pounds and am kind of bummed. Now the weather is really hot and I am not sure I will be able to start walking again anytime soon. Hoping that as Grayson starts letting me put him down more I can get on the exercise bike and as my stomach muscles heal I can begin to do ZUMBA.

We will be blessing Grayson this Sunday, July 4th, at 5 pm at our meetinghouse for those who are interested in attending.

One Month One Day Picture

It isn't the best picture but isn't he cute? Not that we are biased or anything. This is his Monkey Hat we bought him so we can keep him out of the sun when we go on our road trip next month and camping and to the coast in August.

One Month Old

I should have posted this yesterday but with church and Father's Day I didn't have time.
Grayson is 1 month old (as of Father's Day).


Here is Grayson in one of his church outfits. This was actually last week. I am such a bad photog mommy I didn't even get a picture of him on his 1 month.

Some developments that have happened recently:

He started cooing at the beginning of June.
He discovered his tongue on June 13th
A few days ago he started wanting to touch faces. Especially mommy's and daddy's.
He kicks SUPER hard and during tummy time this actually makes him scoot across the floor.
His hair ALREADY needs cut as it is constantly in his ears.

Unfortunately, Grayson has not gained much weight. We have a weight check today. He has been a very fussy eater, both at the breast and bottle. At first, he lost too much weight but then he gained more than expected and then 2 weeks after that he had only gained 2 oz. (that was last Wednesday) so his feedings have become a HUGE priority. Luckily, I have been able to increase my supply some but we are still supplementing with 2 bottles (2 oz ea) a day of either formula or pumped milk (if we have some) so that we can know he has 2 good feeding a day. It is times like this I wish our bodies were equipped with measuring marks so we could know how much our baby is eating. I am really thinking about purchasing an infant scale so I can know how much he gets at each feeding.

My dad told me yesterday how he remembers Grayson's name. I didn't ever think of this. Listen to the Kingston Trio's song "Tom Dooley". A line of the song says, "If it weren't for Grayson, I'd be in Tennesse."

Family Pictures

A gal in my ward took some pictures for us. Thank you Sue Anderson ~ Reflections Photography

Mommyhood

WOW! What a crazy 3 weeks it has been. Time has just FLOWN by I have been adjusting to mommyhood. Especially this week as Mike returned to work and they had mandatory overtime so he worked 50 hours this week! CRAZY!
First, Grayson did great during his first Sacrament meeting on Sunday. It was fast and testimony meeting and he slept until 10 minutes before it was over when I did have to take him out and feed him. We only went to Sacrament as I am still having a hard time sitting without proper support/positioning from my c-section. Partially because I overdid it a little the day before. It still felt like a great success though.
Second, I have been struggling with nursing. Not because I don't love it. I do love nursing. The problem is I have a low supply and we are trying desperately to get it up because I am not liking having to supplement with formula. Grayson lost too much weight at the beginning and then he gained it back fast enough that they said I could stop supplementing (slowly) but he is STARVING all the time in the late afternoon and evening if I do not supplement. I have spent a lot of time with the lactation consultant and today we went again. I always feel better when I leave there. She gave me some good tips on things I can do to increase my supply. I am going to take some vitamins that are known to help. My OB had also given me a prescription that helps but you only take it for a week and that is past now. The same issue that made it so hard to get pregnant is the one that is making me have a low supply. The good thing is through my research I have learned things I can do next time while I am pregnant so that this hopefully will not be an issue again.
Finally, Grayson and his sleep. UGH! In the hospital Mike would often hold him and sleep. This was not good. Grayson got so used to it that by the middle of this week, we could not get him to sleep in his bassinet. Finally, I posted the issue on facebook. I had a lot of friends give some good tips, and also words of encouragement that this will not last forever. Last night, he slept in his bassinet for 2 stretches of sleep and then I got a good hour nap with him in it today. SUCCESS!
I survived my first week home by myself. Although, I must admit, the first day was really rough. Mostly because I still felt trapped in the house. But each day since, we have gotten out of the house when the weather has been decent (each day has had some time of sunshine luckily) and I feel much better with that. We have a route we walked when I was pregnant and trying to encourage Grayson to drop that we walk. It is about 2 miles. I think it may have been a little too much though as I am pretty sore at my incision today. I will take it easy this weekend though.

For those that are interested, we will be blessing Grayson the 4th of July. We are not sure if it will be in Sacrament meeting or a in-home blessing at this time because of family travel arrangements. We should know after Sunday.

Grayson Pictures

The only thing about the emergency c-section is there was no time to grab a camera to get pictures. However, I snapped this one of Mike in the recovery room in his scrubs.

Here is Mike and Grayson in the hospital.

Grayson looked so tiny in his car seat. His coming home outfit was too big for him too.

This is a picture of Terrie's daughter Alia holding Grayson the morning after we came home.

This is how I often find Mike and Grayson. So cute!

I promise to get some pictures of me and Grayson eventually. We only took one in the hospital and it was on my phone. It looked great on the phone but when we loaded it up it was pretty blurry.

So far we are enjoying the role of parents. Grayson is a pretty easy baby so far.

Introducing Grayson Keith....

Grayson Keith Robins was born on May 20, 2010 at 11:48 am via an emergency c-section. He weighed 7 pounds 3 ounces and was 20 1/4 inches long. He had a full head of hair and beautiful color.

This is the first decent picture we got that night after his first bath and they styled his hair in a "mohawk"

The Birth Story:
As many of you know I was a week and a day over due on May 20th. I was set to go in for induction that day. The night before, I was given a blessing from my dad and Mike. It was a great comfort to me as I am not a fan of induction. I knew that whatever happened this lil man would arrive here safe and healthy.
That night (the 19th) I actually started having contractions that were about 6-7 minutes apart and were not super strong but made it so I was only able to get in a good 45 minutes of sleep before I had to wake up at 3:45 to get to my 5:00 am induction on time. I thought the contractions had stopped.
However, once I got to the hospital and was hooked up to the Fetal Monitor and Contraction monitor it showed that I was having contractions still just not as strong. They hooked my IV for my "Gatorade" and were getting ready to start a pitocin drip. (I was at 3.5 cm and 80% effaced so my cervix didn't need ripened at all.) At this point Grayson moved a whole bunch and his heart rate dropped. The heart rate should stay above 120 BPM and his dropped to the 90s. It took 2-3 minutes of me changing position and pushing on my uterus for it to come back up. About 15 minutes later it happened again. So the nurse called in the on-call doc from my OBs office. He said to wait on the pitocin until my OB arrived but he was not to concerned. 20 minutes later the heart rate dropped again but only for 1 minute this time. The nurse decided to get everything ready in case my OB came in and wanted to do a c-section from the get go. This was a blessing in disguise.
When my OB got there, the heart rate had stayed steady for a good hour. He went ahead and broke my water and noticed that there was meconium in the water. This meant that when baby came out he would automatically have to be suctioned because he passed his first bowel movement in the womb. Most likely from the stress of his heart rate dropping. We began the pitocin drip shortly after.
Around 8:30 I went to the bathroom and when I came back little man's heart rate was low again and it took a minute to come back up. Since this seemed to be happening every time he or I moved the nurse decided to place an internal monitor so we could see if it was really dropping or just moving farther off the monitor.
At 9:00 ish (sorry, I am a little foggy on some of the times since this was 4 days ago and I didn't get it all written down) I went to the rest room again. The internal monitor also showed a drop but it came right back up. The nurse decided that from then on I would use a bed pan if I had to use the bathroom.
The pitocin levels were now up pretty good. I could definitely feel the contractions and had to really focus and breath through them (and Mike would try and talk to me only during a contraction....UGH..LOL). I was having some back labor. The nurse said I was welcome to get an epidural at any time. I was not wanting to get one and was trying to just labor through. The nurse left the room to go do a few things and when she did I had a VERY strong impression that I needed to get the epidural even though I was doing pretty good with the contractions. I decided that because of the blessing I had been given there was no way I was going to ignore that strong of a prompting. I asked the nurse for the epidural.
I believe it was in place and working by around 10 am. I had them use a low dose because I still wanted to feel the contractions and know if I was progressing. They were kind enough to oblige.
Things were going really well. Grayson's heart rate was pretty steady. It would maybe drop to 117 during a contraction but be right back up where it needed to be right after.
With the epidural you have to rotate sides every so often so that it works on both sides equally. I was on my left side for the 2nd time and the nurse left and said she would be back within 15 minutes. When she came back I told her I was not laying far enough on my actual side but I didn't want to move without her there in case Grayson's heart rate dropped again. She said I didn't need to wait for her but go ahead and move now. She was telling me she was heading to lunch for a half hour or whatever. This was between 11:20 and 11:30 am
As soon as I moved, Grayson's heart rate dropped clear down to 33 beats per minute. I started moving as much as I could into different positions while she pushed on my uterus to try and get it up. She threw an oxygen mask on me. At this point, Mike who had been sleeping woke up to a bunch of nurses running in the room calling my OB and moving me and the mask on my face. He asked what was going on? Of course I couldn't tell him because of the mask. He goes 1 for baby time 2 for no. I didn't know. I just knew something was wrong. The nurse told him to change into the scrubs. (So much for her lunch.)
My OB rushed in. He looked at me and said the baby was giving him a heart attack today. I felt really calm at that moment and just said "I know what you need to do and I trust you to get him here safe." Right away I was wheeled into the OR. As they were wheeling me they were putting the meds into my epidural in order to completely numb me. I am so glad I had listened to the prompting. If that line had not been in me I would have had to been knocked out completely for the c-section.
The OB and the assisting OB came in all scrubbed up and as soon as I was numb they started cutting before Mike was even in the room. The meds were making me shake REALLY bad in my arms and it was a HUGE comfort when Mike came in. The NICU team was right there in the room to take care of Grayson when he came out.
As soon as they pulled Grayson out he started crying. The NICU nurses started suctioning his lungs, etc and Mike was able to be where he could see me but still be right by the baby. I was able to watch them clean up Grayson from the operating table. Even with all the trouble he scored a 9 on his APGAR.
As they were "putting back in my pieces" my doctor explained Grayson still hadn't dropped and it most likely would have ended in a c-section just much later in the day.
As soon as I was all together, Mike, Grayson and I were all taken to the recovery room together where he nursed for an hour straight. We were then taken up to our room.
So far my recovery has gone well. I am just starting to get some stinging in my incision on one side (which they said is normal) when I move. I had some problems with my intestines but they cleared up most of the way and now I am just watching what foods I eat.
We are home and Terrie and Alia are here from Texas until tomorrow afternoon. I am so grateful to have her here because she has gone through 5 c-section births and knows how it feels.
Grayson is such a blessing. Daddy has been very helpful and has changed almost all the diapers so I am not having to bend over and try and do it.
While I had hoped to go as natural as possible for this birth, I am so grateful for the Spirit being with me that day. I know that my doctor and nurses were guided by the spirit in the decisions they made and that Heavenly Father was really looking after our little man. The next few weeks will be a real struggle for me as I am very limited in what I can do but I am so grateful to have all the support I do. We will post more pictures soon.

Eviction Date is Set

Well, I went to the OB today and we set an eviction date for lil man. I was not worried about going over my due date but I had hoped to avoid an induction as I hope to go natural. However, there is a little worry that lil man is not so little since he refuses to drop. Generally, in a first time mom this means the baby may be to big to fit through her pelvis. Both the OB and I are hopeful this is not the case since my family has not had trouble with this.
So Baby Robins will be evicted by the end of the week. We are not sharing the exact date as we want to be able to avoid tons of calls/texts and also because if too many women are in labor they may have to reschedule.
While we are excited to meet our little guy, I am sad to have this pregnancy come to an end. I have had an easy pregnancy and have really enjoyed it.

Eviction Notice

Lil Man Robins- If you do not decide to leave the residence on your own, Unfortunately we will have to evict you! You have outstayed your lease and since you show no signs of wanting to come out (unlike a month ago...where you kept acting like you wanted to come out) I may be forced to have you escorted out of the property. Please, take this notice seriously and come out!

So, I am due today....

I guess I am going to be one of the 50+% of women who goes past their due date. Keeping my fingers crossed this little man comes in the next couple days. I was hoping to be home from the hospital by the time Terrie arrives. But, I guess I have to just hope, walk, and talk to this little guy and then be patient for his arrival.
I am really glad that I have the OB I do. So many of my friends were induced prior to their due date just because they were dilated a little or tired of being pregnant. Several of them ended in c-section. My OB wants to let this pregnancy take it's course for a while longer. Although it still may come to induction, he is not pushing it right away. He kind of has a more "mid-wife" frame of mind then many OBs today.
If you want to take a guess when this lil man will arrive, leave a comment on the post below this one.
And, I guess I could still go today since it is only 10 am. So maybe I shouldn't be posting this yet...

When Will Baby Robins Arrive?

I thought this might be fun...but I don't know if I am doing this early enough to give anybody time to guess.

I am due this Wednesday...May12th. So leave a comment of date, time (and if you feel really lucky weight and length) that our lil man will arrive. Then we will see who is closest. We are really hoping he appears this week but my doctor has already stated we will not induce before the 20th at the earliest...so good luck!

Mother's Day

The last 4 or 5 years, I would look up a different Holiday to celebrate on Mother's Day. The thought of Mother's Day put me in tears. I remember 3 or 4 years ago was the last Mother's Day Sacrament meeting I attended. I dreaded the moment when they asked the moms to stand and then would add...all women over 18. If you didn't stand, everyone around you would urge you to. UGH! This particular Mother's Day, I had told Mike ahead of time I was not going to stand and do not try and urge me to. So I sat as the young women and young men prepared to hand out flowers. They then asked all the moms to stand. I remained seated. Then they said all expectant moms....stayed seated. And then, while meaning well, poorly worded.. "All the wanna-be-moms" and then, as he realized how that must sound "I mean....moms in training" TOO LATE! The tears were already pouring down my face. And then, a sweet, young woman, brought me a flower while I stayed sitting and said, "All those who are going to be great moms soon"...MORE TEARS. As I sat bawling, embarrassed, my wonderful husband tried to comfort me...which made me cry more. I vowed to myself I would never put myself through that again. That was the last Sacrament I attended on Mother's Day. I actually lucked out. The next year, we were doing IVF and my egg retrieval...on Mother's Day. The year after that, we had to go out of town for it and I can't remember last year...I think we were both sick actually.
This year, while I am not avoiding the day, it still feels weird to celebrate it as I don't feel that I am officially a mom since lil man is not here yet. However, I don't feel like I have to avoid everyone and everything.
Someone tried to tell me last year that "Mother's Day isn't my favorite Holiday so I know how you feel." This was someone who became a mom well before she had planned on it. I just looked at her and said, "Until you have wanted to be a mom so bad that you have spent hours in prayer, scripture study, personal reflection, tears, and more....desperately wanting what comes so easily to others, you will never know how I feel on Mother's Day. It is one thing for it to just not be your favorite Holiday....it is another for that Holiday to slap you in the face each year reminding you that the one thing you want more than life is not happening for you." I will never forget how Mother's Day made me feel.
So, as I try and change my view on Mother's Day, please remember that there are those out there who would give anything to feel like they deserve to celebrate this day. They do anything to avoid the reminder that they have not yet been blessed with a child of their own. ALSO- remember how special a gift it is to be a mother. Whether you planned on being one or not...your child is a gift. And they are blessed to have you as a mother.